the second-spouse syndrome is not new among our celebrities

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. — Jim Backus

Indeed behind many a successful man it seems there is more than one woman. The Sania-Shoaib-Ayesha saga finally ended with a whimper. Yet, just when the din had died down, rose another cry — Sania is Shoaib’s second wife. Hmmm ... had the media heard the word second wife for the first time?

Dilip Kumar’s marriage to Saira Banu was rocked by the emergence of second wife Asma The appearance of a first wife created a controversy for singer Udit Narayan and spouse Deepa There are instances galore in Bollywood of filmmakers taking a prettier second wife.  (R) Producer Boney Kapoor, too, got a younger new wife in Sridevi

Seriously, in a nation where even bigamy has been invariably accepted, particularly in the film industry, is there reason to fuss over the second wife that often comes after the divorce with the first wife?

Take any actor worth his salt and a second wife — legal or not — stands right behind. Raj Babbar, Dilip Kumar, Dharmendra`85. The second choice is often the right choice. And it isn’t as if actors alone have access to more than one woman. Noted lyricist Javed Akhtar, film producer Boney Kapoor and many more have moved on to prettier women.

So, is the film industry an island unto itself where relationships are at a premium and break at the slightest pretext? Or is it merely a microcosm and hence, a reflection of society at large? Without doubt, despite movies like Gharwali Baharwali, the "second woman" wasn’t discovered by Bollywood. To some extent, the fact that celebrities’ private lives are prised open for public consumption does make them appear morally more deviant and, thus, susceptible to critical analysis and often ridicule, too.

After the already-married Dharmendra’s wedding to Hema Malini came to light, filmmaker and actor Jaspal Bhatti even had the gall to send an open letter to the judiciary, beseeching it to make second marriages of film stars legal. Jokes apart, not all second marriages fall in the ambit of bigamy.

Savita Bhatti, his other half, feels that social norms and restrictions certainly apply less to filmstars and often creativity is used as a ruse to be different and unaccountable. Besides, she asserts, "Let us not forget that Bollywood is a different world full of artifice and relationships often fall prey to superficiality. On screen, they might script legendary love tales but offscreen, there are broken relationships galore." Indeed, the till-death-do-us-part onscreen romance rarely finds a match in their real love stories, that often go awry not only the first time over but, as in the case of superstar Kamal Hassan, the second time, too.

While Kamal Hassan has been blatantly open about his liaisons, not all are upfront and many keep their relationships under wraps. Singer Udit Narayan’s first wife surfaced from nowhere. Dilip Kumar’s second marriage to Asma created quite a stir and was a messy affair.

Reasons for the higher incidence of more than one relationship in the film industry are not far to seek. One causative factor, as we all know, is proximity. Unlike other professions where there is a suitable professional distance between members of the opposite sex, the film industry demands greater intimacy and contact. And before you know, sparks begin to fly.

Actor Sonu Sood of the Jodhaa Akbar and Singh is Kinng fame states, "Constant travel, exposure to more attractive people ... without doubt, in the glamour world the temptations are many."

But having said that, he insists that there is no reason to infer that Bollywood is an amoral mass, which cares two hoots about what the society thinks. He adds, "An actor is more conscious of his behaviour, for it could make or mar his image. So, as against an ordinary human being, when an actor decides to walk out of a relationship, it must be for compelling reasons."

The factors for a break-up, interestingly, could be biological, too. Dr Simmi Waraich, consultant psychiatrist, Fortis Hospital, SAS Nagar, says, "Whether such people have more of the "sensation-seeking" gene that prompts them towards greater risk-taking behaviour or it is the environmental conditioning, the answers are not easy to find."

Dr Pankaj Singh, Dean, Languages, HP University, Shimla, and author of Representing Woman: Tradition, Legend and Punjabi Drama, argues that part of the second marriage phenomenon is but an extension of our patriarchal value system that ultimately condones when the man errs.

But whether it is a bigamous relationship or a legal second matrimonial alliance, Dr Pankaj feels that the man is rarely the loser. Adarsh Kohli, additional professor of clinical psychology, PGI, Chandigarh, however, feels that the new emerging social matrix should not be confused with gender biases alone. Instead, she asserts, " It is a byproduct of new culture that seeks self-gratification above all else. If someone suffers or pays a price in the process, neither the man nor the woman is perturbed."

In short, society has no right to be preaching how individuals ought to behave in what many feel are, in effect, personal tragedies.

Dr Waraich quips, "Whether society has the right or not, it will always judge."

But has society learnt to consider and accept relationships which were traditionally frowned upon? Undeniably, society has come a long way from the sati-savitri syndrome. Ironically, children, considered a broken marriage’s biggest victim, are accepting new relationships of their parents with greater equanimity. Kamal Hassan, who stirred a hornet’s nest a few decades ago by not only having a live-in relationship with Sarika (he did marry her later) but also a child out of wedlock, shares a perfect equation with his daughters from Sarika, whom he later left for another woman.

Dr Waraich reasons, "In the end, what matters is not the morality of the issue but how the individuals concerned deal with the situation." Of course, each individual handles things differently. While Saira Banu stood her ground and made sure that new entrant Asma in hubby Dilip’s life moved out, Dharmendra’s first wife Prakash Kaur has faced her travail with stoic dignified silence. In Nadira Babbar’s case, perhaps, the blow was softened with the untimely death of Smita Patil. In an interview, she let the past be with the reasoning, "Aisa har ghar mein hota hai."

Whether a recurring phenomenon in the film industry or an integral part of society that we all inhabit, fractured matrimonial alliances, feels Kohli, do not bode well and do represent a dangerous trend in a society that has always valued and taken pride in the stability of relationships.

Still, what can be done? Sonu, who thinks playing a man with two wives on screen would be a challenge and in real life an unenviable dilemma, quips, "Times are changing."

For better or worse ... the debate has takers on both sides. For a society in a flux that has only recently woken up to live-in as well as gay relationships, the openness to discuss hitherto brushed-under-the-carpet issues is itself a welcome sign.